508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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