Me. At least after what I've been through.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
