I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
