Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
