peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
