Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
