She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize