when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
