I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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