i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
