You can't motorboat a personality
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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