I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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