the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
