i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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