Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
