this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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