I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
