Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
