I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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