So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
