at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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