i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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