What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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