Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
