So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
