Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
