she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
