At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
