Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
