i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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