Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
