Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's blow job season.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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