: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
