is your mom at the bar?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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