I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
