Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
