Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
