Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
