brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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