lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This beer is not sobering me up at all
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
