I smell stomach acid.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
