Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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