I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize