Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
