I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
