Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
