Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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