I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
