A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize