STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
