They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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