yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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