The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
