consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
