I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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