So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
