Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
