I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
