Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm getting married
To pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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