I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
