She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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