I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How naked do you want me to be?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
