I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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