sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
