Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
