Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
