I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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