my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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