I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
