So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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