I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
