JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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