I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
