Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
