What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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