If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
