I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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