More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
