i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
