I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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